Someone's Child

As the summer comes to a close and with school right around the corner there seems to be a lot of talk about the upcoming high school volleyball season. I have been coaching for the past 20 years and every year parents approach me to ask me my thoughts on the their child's chances of playing for their high school. "What position do you think they should tryout for?", "What areas does she need to work on?", "Do you think she'll have a chance to play on the varsity/junior varsity/freshman A team?".

I think these questions weigh heavily on the minds of all the parents with children that play sports at the high school level. What I have found over the years is that although I have many years of experience coaching, as a club coach, a high school coach, and even a collegiate coach I can not foresee what decisions will be made by a high school coach. Many times I disagree with the coaching decisions I see at the high school game. There are even times I question high school coaches about their motives, their tactics, their logic.

I have heard of high school coaches who make promises to their players but then do not follow through on what they have promised. Athletes are told they'll get the chance to play with varsity on a given tournament date and it does not happen. I wonder, would that coach tell their own child they will take them to the movies and later not take them... I believe anyone who has children or work with children know that the child will remember what they were told. Parents learn not to promise or even mention the plans they have because the child will remember and be disappointed if they do not come to pass.

I can not say why a coach would push an injured athlete to continue to practice when they can see the child is in pain. I have had players come back to us after a high school season rehabbing an injury due to overuse and pushing from a head coach at the high school level. I have even been informed of an athlete who had developed a major back injury, that she can no longer play at the competitive level, due to a coach who continued to push her to play through the pain. I wonder would that coach push their own child past the pain to finish a season, a match, or even a practice.

Yes, I wonder many times about the decisions made at the high school level. When I think about them and the decisions that are made I come back to myself. I can only speak to what I know.

I am aware that there are times that people do not understand my decisions when it comes to running a club. But what most people do not understand is that there is more to the story than what they see. I believe in being a person of integrity, someone who is honest, compassionate, and intelligent. I know for myself that the decisions I must make have to come from that place of integrity and that most people are not aware of the entire situation that leads to difficult decisions and choices.

I make decisions based on honesty, what is the truth of a situation... the good, the bad, and the ugly. I do not hide from the truth and I am willing to look at myself in the midst of a difficult situation. I am also keenly aware that other people do not know the truth or are made aware of only part of the story. So in making difficult decisions I must know it is the "right" decision whether it is popular or not. I must stand by that decision when others disagree and are vocal about their disagreement. But as a woman of integrity it is not may place to persuade the world that I have made the "right" decision I must know that I have done the right thing.

I am compassionate about the decisions to be made. How does this affect the people involved? I am responsible for the players, the coaches, and the club as well as myself. I have a very good friend who also runs her own business and just the other day she told me "I am the one taking the risk. I am the business owner and it comes back on me. I have to make the best and difficult decisions, especially when it is not popular." She was right, my responsibilities are wide and cover many people including myself. I have to consider more than just my emotions, I have to consider many people and because of that someone is bound to feel they have been slighted. The decisions I make have to come back to that place of integrity, I have to do the right thing.

I strive to be an intelligent woman and part of intelligence means learning new things as well as learning from my mistakes. I have to be willing to become better at teaching skills. (That does not mean that ever time I go to a coaching clinic that I change the way I teach or train. I believe an intelligent coach pulls the best from where ever they go and place that in their coaching. I have worked with coaches who attend one clinic and decide to change their entire approach to teaching a skill or even running their program. Perhaps it is my science back ground, I majored in biology, but science is about the search for truth. Christianity is also the search for truth... but that is for another blog. In science you develop a theory and then search for the truth. If it holds up then it becomes law, if it does not then it remains a theory. College should teach us to think... we should not read a book and take it as truth. As intelligent people we learn from everyone around us and take the best and be willing to develop our own understanding. But this is also a topic for another blog.) I have to also be willing to learn to work better with people. And I have to be willing to learn to become a better director as well. I have had over 30 years of experience in the sport of volleyball and I have no doubt that I have made mistakes a long the way. But it is because of those mistakes and my willingness to learn from them that I can now make the difficult and unpopular decisions, I know that I am doing the right thing.

I believe any coach who has less than 8 years of experience as a coach is still a novice coach. I believe after 8 years time you can look back and see the development of your athletes and glimpse them as adults. When you can look at them and recognize the growth you have influenced or even the mistakes you have made at their expense and can learn from them then you begin to understand the impact and the responsibility you truly have as a coach.

Many high school coaches are young or new to the world of coaching and making difficult decisions are part of the job. Just like the rest of the world they learn on the job and many times the decisions they make have more components then parents are aware of... perhaps they have guidelines they choose to follow in making the difficult and unpopular decisions. If they are a good coach they will learn from their choices... they will see the positive outcome from a good decision and they will learn to deal with the consequences of a bad decision.

So when parents ask me about the coming high school season I can not even guess what decisions a coach will make. The only thing we can look to is their track record... what decisions have they made in the past? And do they continue to make better decisions as they continue to coach? I can not say that I fully understand the high school coaches but I do know that they are under pressure and there are situations that we are not fully aware of, we must give them the benefit of the doubt. They make the best decisions that they can and although difficult and unpopular they are the courageous person living with their decisions.

I am not sure that this entry will give you any sense of peace about the challenges your child will face. At the beginning of each season and throughout the season I remind our coaches "that we are dealing with someone's child... that this young person is someone's baby and is the most special person in the world to their parents. Treat them with compassion and respect but discipline them for their benefit". What I would say to you is that this coach, who you will be dealing with for the next few months, is someone's child... to someone out there this is the most special person in the world... treat them the way you would want your own child to be treated.