"Remember not only to say the right thing in the right place, but far more difficult still, to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment." Benjamin Franklin (US author, diplomat, inventor, Physicists, politician, and printer 1706-1790)
I believe coaching is much more than just learning the game and teaching it to others. Coaching, to me, has as much to do with developing people and not just athletes. I believe as a coach I have the opportunity to influence the young lives of my athletes and also the lives of the coaches who work along side me. I don't claim to have all the answers or all the amazing ideas when it comes to teaching, training, developing athletes but in my years experience coaches have an opportunity to affect many lives. We get to choose how we affect those lives, in either a positive or negative manner.
One of the biggest lessons I've learned in my own life and one I believe is important to pass along has to do with the quote above. There are many amazing men and women in history but Benjamin Franklin is one of my favorites. I am brought back to this quote often... especially when I coach and work with the families of my athletes. How many times as coaches do we want to "spew" some harsh criticism... and we feel as though we can because we are the "coach". We're expected to give some "feedback" and we feel entitled to say those negative thoughts that would be considered mean and cruel in the company of our peers. Yet, when it comes to working with youth we are willing to say things to them or about them that do not add to their game or to their lives.
I'm not advocating giving false praise. We do need to "coach" and that means giving feedback that will assist the player without saying something to destroy their love of the game. Giving only negative feedback or being sacrastic leads the player into a position of distrust and some times genuine dislike of their coach. If they do not like us or trust us how much influence do we really have over them as people and as athletes.
When I am tempted to say something that will bear "no fruit"... when I am tempted to say something that will cause more drama... when I am tempted to say something that will break down a child's self image... When I am tempted to be sarcastic... I stop myself and wonder what and how I can communicate with the athlete that will bring her to a new level. Yes, for those of you who know me, I have said some "stupid" things along the way but, believe me, there are many more "stupid" things I have not spoken because I have remembered to keep my mouth closed.
We are the adults... we have other people, adults, we can share our thought and ideas with. There are other coaches who will keep our confidence when we need to share frustrations and disappointments. My encouragement is that we all take a moment to think about our comments before we say them to our young athletes and their families. Take a moment to weigh our comments... is our sarcastic humor really that funny? In our moment of frustration or anger is saying something harsh to the team really what they need to believe in themselves?
What are the things we want to say that are better left unsaid?
Love the quote--so true! I think it could be applied in all relationships. I still remember the negative comments from previous coaches. Kids tend to remember the negative over the positive. I want to be remembered for the positive that I bring to the mix rather then the negative.
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I completely agree. I think that we too can remember those moments of "stupid" words that we have spoken to our teams. As a younger coach, I have debated over these words, and then made the wrong decision and spoke them anyways in an attempt to get across to my team in a difficult moment. What I have found is that they would have been better left unsaid.
ReplyDeleteFrom a player's perspective I can also relate. A high school coach spoke those venomous words every day and at every game. That is the single reason I almost didn't play college ball and why I didn't want to coach at first - for fear that all coaches were like that and that I too couldn't help being like that. I was reminded that not all people are like that, and that I have control over what I say....I am still learning that lesson.
Thank you Rachel for putting those thoughts into writing. ~Amie~
Thanks so much for the reminder. I too have had my share of "stupid" words come out of my mouth that have hurt others. This quote reminds me of the scripture in Ephesians 4:29 that says "Do not let any unholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." There is always a way to get your point accross that is helpful and will meet the other persons needs. I read this a lot in the hopes that in those moments I will remember and be able to build that person up.
ReplyDeleteThanks again for your thoughts and please keep sharing them.
Dona
I agree completely.
ReplyDeleteI know I am very misunderstood outside my players and parents on this subject. I never belittle or demean my players. However, I will get on them if they are not giving the effort and focus I believe they must. I have learned to tailor the criticism better the longer I do this... based on the personality of any given player (I can be much harder on Emily Rice than Rae... they are on opposite ends of the spectrum).
The weakest area for me is accentuating more of the positive. Everyone hears my negatives (volume control) and they never seem to hear all my positives. This is mostly perception... and a little reality. I am working on a more positive tone. Nevertheless... I still have never had a family that has played for me walk away because of me. I think at the very least the player and the parents know I care about them and my only goal is to make the player better (and I have in almost all cases)... even if I am still rough around the edges.
Andy
I like it, this would be a GREAT quote for mid season club ball. This is the time the girls start feeling more comfortable together and at times get frustrated with one another. Actually this may be good a good reminder for the parents at the start of the season....kids copy what their parents do. :) Valarie
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